Monuments and Moments
by Anduria Trianys
Summary: A 'Looking for Ianto in all the wrong places' story. Jack finds himself on the world of Tyrennis, always thought to be an uninhabited land. But what will he find there?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Tyrennis.

A world in the future, but at the same time, a world that had lately seemed to be rooted in the long lost – to many – past. But here, on a tiny planet in the sixty-seventh century, fragments of history had still been preserved, and at the same time had been renewed and revived almost as you looked around.

When the planet had first been discovered, the colonists, a group of eight young and impulsive – none were older than twenty – travellers from Myrenae, had not been sure what could be done with it. With its contrasting landscapes lying underneath a burning sun or a tumultuous storm and ranging from rugged mountains capped with snow and sparkling with glaciers to wild and colourful jungles surrounded by arid golden sands reaching out towards the horizon, it seemed to be fit for very little except an application for it to be recognised among the universal areas of natural beauty. It was even given the name Tyrennis, a Myrenaean word meaning 'fruitless glory' as a means of acknowledging its colonisation by a Myrenaean group, as well as its beauty, but, as far as could be seen at the time, relative lack of useful resources.

And yet, the place where Jack Harkness now found himself bore no resemblance to anything he had learned about Tyrennis in his entire life. Admittedly, however, since any lectures on the history of the planet went up to its discovery and the claiming of its status as an area of natural universal beauty and then stopped, he had almost begun to wonder if it had actually existed in the first place or if it was just some exotic paradise dreamed up to try and spur younger Time Agents with ambitions to work in conservation – Jack had been as surprised as anyone to learn that, yes, some people did have those kind of goals – into working harder; they always used to say that if you got good enough grades, you would be rewarded with a trip to Tyrennis.

However, despite the differences between what he had been taught and what he was now seeing, there were two distinctive features that marked his location out as Tyrennis. One of them was the strange cloud formation that formed a flickering ring around the whole planet and changed colour depending on the approaching weather for the next week (it was currently pale orange, meaning that they were due for warm sun with a possibility of interspersed rain). Because the phenomenon, as astrologers called it, was formed by such thin threads of cloud, it was sometimes very difficult for the untrained eye to see it when it was the same colour as the sky or the clouds. In fact, to anyone who didn't know better, it would seem like nothing more than an unusual, and very attractive, mist that changed colour sometimes. However, Jack had taken some lessons at the Time Agency about methods of forecasting the weather throughout time and space and this peculiar mist had been one of the methods featured – as well as being one of the only things taught about Tyrennese history.

The second were the beautiful _cirdanas_ that had inhabited the planet probably since it had been formed. They were small, the largest being barely ten centimetres, could be found in many different colours, and took the form of seahorses with butterfly wings. During the day, they could be found flying all over the landscape, escorting travellers to some of the best known beauty spots and spreading _ciricana_, a type of vitamin that would fertilise the soil and make the plants flourish. By night, however, the little creatures would take their places on any available surface, be it a rock, pond or in a tree while their small bodies shimmered like stars and their wings fluttered, making soft flute-like music that echoed melodiously through the air.

Aside from that, though, the place looked nothing like the Tyrennis Jack had been taught about. He had known of a planet with nothing there except nature and certainly nothing that appeared to be fit for human habitation. However, either things had changed dramatically over time, or someone had been hiding some information about the Myrenaean group who had colonised the planet. True, the abundance of natural beauty that had been so greatly eulogised was still growing freely, but then again, so were the rows of one and two storey houses which, on closer inspection, seemed to have been made out of wet soil that was then shaped like clay to form bricks and then left to harden before being cemented together with wet sand before a roof made out of grass was placed on top.

Jack felt a rather strange conflict of emotions at the sight. On the one hand, he was pleasantly surprised to see that there was progress, as well as a surge of triumph at the knowledge that the so-called Tyrennese experts who had deemed the planet to be uninhabitable had been proved wrong (those types were too arrogant for their own good). However, at the same time, he also felt a bit saddened that the natural beauty of the planet was gradually being taken over by humankind and that there was a chance that one day, there would be no sign of the former glory of Tyrennis. Obviously, he knew that this was a reality in almost every world that was colonised and inhabited, but even that inevitability didn't stop him feeling regret for what would be lost.

Clapping his hands together, he took a deep breath and made his way across the dry sand that blew softly around his feet as he started to look around and see exactly what, besides the obvious new signs of human habitation, had changed about this place.

"Hello?" he called out. "Anyone...anyone home?" He was perfectly aware that the words sounded silly to his own ears and the tentative way he'd spoken them didn't help much. Nonetheless, given that he knew nothing about who might be living here, he decided that causing offence would be a very unwise idea.

"Maybe I can help you."

Jack froze. The voice behind him was definitely that of a human woman – a very familiar human woman. _It can't be...it can't..._ Shaking slightly, he turned around and nearly passed out when he found himself staring into a pair of eyes just like his own framed by soft black curls. She was slightly younger and her hair was longer than when he had last seen her, but, even with her stomach swollen with pregnancy, there was no mistaking her.

"Alice," he whispered, his heart pounding violently in his ears. "I...oh my God..."

She stared at him, shocked. "What did you call me?"

Jack's eyes widened. "Alice, it's me," he stammered. "I know we're not close and I know you have every reason to hate me...or at least you probably will have soon, but –"

"My name's not Alice, it's Alexis," she said, raising her eyebrow at him. "I thought you at least knew that much about me, Saket, given that you're involved with my father."

Jack blinked at her. "Saket?" he repeated. "Okay, I don't know who I remind you of, but my name's not Saket. It's –" but he stopped when she tilted her head at him.

"You smell different," she said slowly, coming over to scan him properly. "You...you look like Saket, but...but you're not him and you certainly don't belong here." Despite the rather hostile words, her tone was curious and Jack felt a wrench in his heart at hearing them; he couldn't remember a time when his daughter hadn't spoken to him without a mild sense of hostility in her voice, even with Steven around. It was heartwarming, but at the same time it hurt – on the one hand, his daughter didn't hate him, but on the other hand, really, she wasn't even his daughter.

"I..." he stopped, cleared his throat and tried again, "I'm sorry...I just...I'm a little bit lost. I've never been here before and, well, it's a little bit different to what I've been told about Tyrennis. I always thought it was uninhabitable."

Alice – no, Jack reminded himself, her name was _Alexis_ – chuckled softly. "I guess you heard of Tyrennis being nothing but a natural beauty site, then."

"Well, yes," admitted Jack. "But as I can see, it isn't."

"No, it isn't. People have actually been living here ever since it was colonised. The first settlers just wanted everyone else to believe that no one could live here, because they didn't want the natural beauty to be ruined." She sighed. "When the eight young pioneers first came here, they instantly requested a permit for Tyrennis to be registered as a site of universal natural beauty, which, as you probably know, was granted. But after that, nothing was heard and, eventually, after five years, they were listed as missing, presumed dead. But that's all that everyone else knows."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Well, not meaning to be rude, but it doesn't exactly look uninhabitable," he said, waving his hand around at the buildings. "Does no one know what's here?"

"No. No one leaves Tyrennis and, until now, no one has arrived either. Everyone who lives here is a descendant of the original founders, all of whom had borne children. My father, Lord Yannis, for instance, is of the generation of Raven, the leader of the Tyrennese expedition, who mated with his second-in-command, Kiran. Saket, his partner," and here, Alexis laughed. "No one's entirely sure of his parentage, to be honest! They know that one of his ancestors was Cyrus, the expedition's engineer, but there are two options for the other parent – either, Helgira, who was Raven's cousin and a doctor, or Bracken, who was a young archaeologist. But I know for a fact which was the one Cyrus eventually ended up falling in love with."

"How?" asked Jack. Although he knew that Alexis wasn't really his daughter, he could almost feel his heart warming as she shared the story with him.

"Cyrus wasn't someone who tended to believe in monogamy," said Alexis. "He professed to love both Bracken and Helgira and pursued relationships with both of them, neither of them knowing about the other. But one winter, some ten years after the first landing, Bracken was suddenly taken ill and not even Helgira's best medicine could cure him. He was dead within a few weeks and Cyrus..." she swallowed hard. "He went nearly mad with grief and spent days in the jungles where he and Bracken would lie together, almost as if being in his lover's special place would bring him back again."

"But it didn't." Jack could more than relate to that feeling and that desperate wish to bring back the people you love. To see them again and to hold them in your arms. Tears burned his eyes as he thought of them and he had to quickly look away.

"If you want to know more of the story, you will have to find my father," said Alexis. "He will be at the Colosseum at the top of this road," she indicated a long road behind her. "But I'm sure he'll willingly take you to his library – he seems to spend so little time anywhere else," she added with a rueful grin.

"Thank you," Jack said and quickly made his way up the road before the woman could say anything else. He didn't think he could stand to look at her any more, especially knowing that she was expecting a child. All he could hope was that Alexis' child would have a better life than Steven did.

_Maybe it's better for her that I'm not really her father. She won't be in danger then in the way my Alice was. It's my fault, what happened to Steven, just like she said it was. I don't want her or her child to have to suffer the same fate. _

He was so lost in his thoughts that it took him several minutes – and the sound of something crunching softly underfoot – to realise that he had actually come to the end of the road. Blinking slightly, he looked around and found himself standing in the middle of a lawn with blades of grass blowing lightly around his ankles and casting tiny flickering shadows in the slowly setting sun. Already, the _cirdanas _were starting to settle around the mounds of stones on the ground and a slow trail of coloured lights was forming over the ground.

But that wasn't what drew Jack's attention. Instead, what caught his eye were the three enormous sculptures in front of him, all of them illuminated by the glow of thousands of the creatures.

"The Pyramids of Egypt, the Acropolis at Athens and the Colosseum in Rome," he breathed as his gaze travelled over them. "I've seen them before in the very distant past, but...never in a million years did I imagine seeing them like _this – _and certainly not here."

Taking a deep breath, he walked up to the entrance to the Colosseum, since not only had Alexis advised him that it was where her father would be, but also that it was where most of the noise seemed to be coming from. For once, however, he didn't want to draw attention to himself by possibly starting a fight with the security guards, some of whom looked too terrifying for words, so he made his way towards one of the tunnels that was unguarded and slowly walked through it, his footsteps echoing on the path. When he saw the light at the end, he stuck his head around the archway.

"Whoa," he whispered.

The arena was completely packed out with thousands of screaming spectators. People were waving streamers around and shooting what looked like small rockets in the air, the sparks combining with the lights from the _cirdanas_ to completely illuminate the entire amphitheatre and falling around the groups of men and women...well, beating the snot out of each other, for the want of a better phrase. One woman, who looked so delicate she might have been a nymph had picked up a tall man with one hand and was currently spinning him around in circles above his head before throwing him against the wall with a crash so loud it made the entire arena shake.

Jack gasped and leaned against the wall as small stones began to fall from the ceiling. "That _cannot _be the result of that one woman," he muttered. "I mean I've heard of appearances being deceptive, but this –" but he was distracted by the sound of voices echoing a little way away. Turning, he saw another long corridor on his left and he made his way down it, occasionally ducking to avoid any more falling rocks.

He knew that he shouldn't be listening in on what was very probably a private conversation, but at the same time, despite the echoing going on in the tunnel and the slightly muffled voices, there was something about one of the voices that made him pause. It sounded familiar, but he just couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"Look, Saket, I know you're strong and capable, but I can't let you do this. It would be a conflict of interests of the highest level."

"A conflict of interest?" The second voice also made Jack start – the man, presumably Saket, sounded an awful lot like himself. "By Ceana, Yannis, you really are talking absolute rubbish! This is _not _about your integrity – this is about you treating me like a child!"

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Yannis, you can't wrap me up in blankets just because I'm your lover. I'm also a human being with feelings and thoughts. I know you don't want to lose anyone else this quickly and I feel for you, I really do. But I do not want to be confined to the palace or to the audience just because something's dangerous."

Jack suddenly had an urge to glance around the corner at the two men who were talking. Yannis' voice was setting alarm bells off in his head and he was determined to find out why. Squinting slightly in the faint light, he eased his way closer to the alcove where the two men were arguing and glanced over. And in that moment, he realised exactly why the voices were so familiar.

Facing the first man was like staring into a mirror, except that his doppelgänger was dressed in a black tunic and trousers with silver patterns embroidered on the tunic and with a deep blue cloak that looked as if it had been woven from the sky. But other than that, Jack was looking at his own face and into his own eyes.

Then, the other man – Yannis – spoke and any doubts Jack had about his identity were washed away like the wind, though his words knocked the wind out of him.

"Do you have _any _idea how hard this is, Saket? I will watch everyone I care about die or leave me, while I stay here, never ageing and never being able to join them!"

Jack swayed and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. He could hardly believe what he had just seen and heard. But only one word slipped through the turmoil in his mind and between his lips.

"Ianto."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Saket felt numb as he heard his lover's words fly through the space between them. It was true that he could never truly understand Yannis' situation. How could he possibly hope to comprehend what his lover went through every time he saw someone – a friend, a lover, even an acquaintance – die while knowing that he would live on? No matter how many times he grew ill and died, he could never have the knowledge that one day he would join them. He would never be able to rest in peace.

Even now, Saket knew that his lover still had nightmares of all the people he'd lost; all the friends and lovers he'd seen die in his arms or in some strange hospital bed, struck down by some illness or other, since war was so rare on Tyrennis, considering no one even came there. He remembered all those nights of chilled silence when not even the _cirdanas_ would chirp, and when Yannis would just lie next to him in their bed, still and silent, but with his eyes wide open, though it was clear that he saw nothing except those dead faces.

He also realised that his partner was having to live with the knowledge that, one day, Saket himself would die. He hoped it wouldn't happen for several years now, but there was always a sense of inevitability hanging over them that would never go away. He understood that, and he knew that the thought haunted Yannis every day. It haunted him as well and, frankly, it terrified him.

He understood. But that didn't mean he wanted to be treated like a child and it certainly didn't mean that he was going to let anyone, not even his lover, keep him locked up like a prisoner, no matter how dangerous fighting in that Colosseum was. Sighing, he pressed his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes, breathing out sharply, his breath steaming up the window opposite them.

"I know that it's dangerous," he whispered, rubbing his forehead as he paced around. "But I've wanted to do this for a very long time, Yannis. I know how frightening it is, but I have to make some decisions myself, you know?" He came over and clasped their hands together. "And part of the reason I want to do this is because of the number of times I've seen you do it and...and the pride I feel when I see you go out there and show how strong you are, and...and I want you to feel that pride in me."

For several long moments, silence reigned as Yannis attempted to digest Saket's words. "It's different for me," he eventually whispered. "When...when something happens to me...I will come back. You won't."

"How do you know that?" Saket lowered his voice. "You know, I said I feel so proud of you when I see you out there and believe me, I do. But do you know what else I feel? I feel nothing short of sheer terror watching you out there. You say that you can't die, but how do you know that? How do you know that one day, you will go out there and get yourself killed and you won't come back? How do you know that your next adventure in that arena won't actually end up being your last?"

Another long silence followed as both men stared at each other, each of them shocked by Saket's words. But before either of them could speak – presumably, Yannis would be about to defend himself or Saket to continue his ranting – a sound in the nearby corridor distracted them.

"This conversation is _not_ over," he said sternly to Yannis before turning back towards the source of the sound. "Who's there?" he asked, glancing around just as the shadow of a tall man disappeared quickly around the corner. "Hey – hey!" he shouted, his voice echoing as he ran down the corridors, following the direction that he had seen the man disappearing in. "Come back – come back here and we can talk properly! I'm not going to...hurt you..." His voice trailed off when he finally turned another corner and skidded to an abrupt halt at the sight beside him.

Yannis' footsteps echoed behind him. "Saket, what's going...on?" His voice trailed off as he too noticed the scene in front of them. "Who's...who's he? He looks exactly..."

"Exactly like me," murmured Saket, still without taking his eyes off the man who was leaning against the wall, his face pale and his eyes wide with shock as he looked at them. However, on closer inspection, Saket noticed that, while they may be virtually identical in terms of colouring, build and hairstyle, there were still a few differences. For one thing, the other man was dressed in dark trousers, a pale blue shirt and what appeared to be an army greatcoat that was at least forty-five centuries old. From that, he deduced that the man probably had distant relatives who been involved in the Great War, as it was still known even now.

The second distinction, however, almost instantly proved him wrong. It was not something that Saket instantly noticed. It was not something that could be seen with a cursory glance at the man, but something that was only clear upon looking into his eyes. Initially, Saket had believed that his doppelgänger had only been his age, or a couple of years older at the most, but after looking at him closer, he realised that there was a look in his eyes that no man his age had. It was a look of someone who tried over and over again to hold an aura of cheerfulness and laughter, someone who had tried to keep a permanent sparkle in those beautiful – even if Saket did say so himself – blue eyes, but in the end, he had seen so much pain and suffering in his life that the bright fire was slowly being extinguished with each new blow his life dealt him.

It was an expression he had seen on the face of his lover far too many times when Yannis thought he wasn't watching him.

However, before he could say anything, he heard something, a strange sound, possibly even a word. He looked around the tunnel, but they were the only people in sight. However, he also noticed that Yannis was staring at the new arrival with a strange mixture of shock and confusion on his face.

"He spoke to me," he said, his voice shaking. "He called me..."

"Ianto," the other man whispered.

Saket frowned. "Who...who's Ianto?" he asked, his gaze flickering between the stranger and his lover. It was several moments before he noticed that the other man was holding something out to him. "What's this?"

"Look," said the man quietly. He was rapidly regaining some colour in his cheeks, although he was still shaking. "That's...that's m – that's Ianto." He smiled slightly. "And I'm Jack, by the way."

Saket raised an eyebrow at him and then glanced down at the photograph and felt his mouth drop open in shock. Looking at the picture was like looking in the mirror, except that the two men in the picture looked, if not relaxed, then happy. Even though Jack's eyes still held that haunted look that was so clear now, it was plain to see that he was, at least temporarily, happy and at peace with his life – that he was with someone he could cherish and love, for however long they had.

"What...what happened to him?" he asked as soon as he found his voice.

"He died," said Jack. "About three weeks after that was taken." He didn't volunteer any information on how it had happened and neither Saket nor Yannis decided to ask.

Suddenly, Jack cleared his throat. "Lord Yannis, I presume?" he asked, forcing his voice to take a tone that vaguely resembled normalcy, though it was a little high-pitched. "Your daughter told me you'd be here."

"You met Alexis then?" said Yannis with a rueful grin. "She's expecting and getting tired of me insisting that she take it easy. No fighting or arguing until the baby arrives."

Jack laughed for the first time at that. "I bet that went down well. She is – I mean, she doesn't seem like the type to want to be confined to bed rest!" He glanced between the two men. "Is she...I mean..."

"Mine and Saket's?" Yannis shook his head. "No. Her mother was Saket's sister, Liath. She was a remarkable woman, full of life and vigour and always ready with a smile. But then, a few years after Alexis was born, we hit a time of poverty and several people had to resort to desperate measures. Liath was a descendant of Helgira, and people would say that she had the same healing hands as her ancestor. She could make a medicine out of almost anything, which was very fortunate, since people had very little money for such things at the time."

Saket took up the story as he led the other two men out of the tunnel. "One day, though, she came home from treating someone and I could tell straight away that something was wrong. She was pale and shaking and you could see the veins in her face and arms as clearly as if her skin was made of glass. The doctors tried everything in their power to make her well, but it seemed that she had contracted too many infections from her time treating the sick. A n antibiotic could cure one, maybe two, of her ailments, but there was nothing that could cure everything in time. She died a few weeks later."

Jack swallowed hard. "Did...did you and Saket grow closer while she was ill?" he asked.

"Saket and I had always been close friends, even before I married his sister," said Yannis with a small smile. "But yes. He was the one who supported me through Liath's illness and who helped me to raise Alexis after she died." He opened the door and led them back outside. All of them blinked slightly; even though it had almost set, the sun was still casting a bright light over the landscape and the _cirdanas_ were also shining brightly against the darkening sky. "We've now been together for nearly ten years."

"It took us a while, but we did finally get there," Saket half-joked as they walked into the palace.

"Why did you design your palace to look like the Acropolis?" asked Jack as he looked around, taking in the simple stone columns and the brightly painted scenes on the walls and the friezes surrounding the ceiling.

"I've always been fascinated by ancient history, ever since I was a child," explained Yannis. "You might also have noticed the Colosseum at Rome and the Pyramids of Giza, though there are many others." Jack nodded. "I firmly believe that, while we shouldn't live in the past, there's a lot we can learn from it." Then, he chuckled. "Plus the Greeks really did have some _wonderful _architecture."

Saket clapped his hands. "There's a feast to congratulate the winners of today's tournaments starting in the banqueting house in ten minutes," he announced to the others. "'Jack, as current leaders of Tyrennis, Yannis and I are expected to attend and, if you want to, you're welcome to join us, but I can't necessarily guarantee that it'll be much fun, although the food is always good."

Jack smiled politely. "I appreciate your hospitality, but I'm really not hungry. In fact, I think I should probably go now; I'm getting a little tired and..."

But he didn't get any further before Saket interrupted him. "You're not going anywhere tonight. If you're really not hungry, then we are going to put you up so you can get a good night's sleep – a good few nights if that's what you want."

Jack blinked. "Oh! Oh...no, thank you, but that's really not –"

"Nonsense." This time, Yannis was the one who spoke. "It's our duty to treat any guests with the greatest hospitality – although, until today, I can't say that we've actually had any guests." He extended his hand towards Jack. "I'll take you to your quarters."

Jack started to make a token protest, but a deep yawn stopped him before he could finish it and he realised just how tired he was. "Thank you," he eventually said. "You are both very kind."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Despite being so tired his eyelids felt heavy, Jack was finding that he just couldn't drop off to sleep, no matter how hard he tried. It wasn't a matter of being uncomfortable; quite the contrary, the guest room – well, guest house was really the correct term for where he was – that Yannis had shown him to was extremely pleasant and comfortable, with a sturdy mattress, soft pillows and newly washed sheets, smelling of a strange, yet pleasantly beautiful, combination of jasmine, oranges and freshly made chocolate. All around him small clusters of, apparently house-trained, _cirdanas_ were currently winding their way around his bedposts, their light slowly diminishing to a soft glow, the only light in the room as their music played softly, the sound of a gentle lullaby easing him to sleep.

But Jack couldn't find the peace he needed to rest. Every time he shut his eyes, even if it was only for a brief moment, all he could see would be the picture he had shown Saket earlier that day – the picture of himself and Ianto sitting together and smiling with their arms around each other as the friendly woman in the restaurant had taken a photograph of them. They both looked so happy and full of...full of...

"Full of life," Jack whispered to himself as he removed the photograph from the pocket of his trousers and gently stroked the corner, his fingers drifting over the soft spikes and curls in Ianto's hair and trailing over his face and shoulders. "So...so alive."

It was almost hard to believe that the younger man would be lying in a body bag barely three months later with little more than a half-healed cut on his pale cheek but with his lungs full of poisoned air after taking barely one breath inside that room.

Jack closed his eyes briefly and breathed out, hoping to block out the image of his dead lover. He was momentarily surprised when it worked, before realising that it wasn't Ianto who swam before his eyes...at least, it wasn't _his _Ianto...

His eyes flew open in shock and he flopped back against the pillows, his heart pounding so violently he almost expected to see it exploding out of his chest. Sighing, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and cradled his head in his hands.

"God," he whispered, running his fingers through his hair so violently he almost ripped some of the strands out. "This cannot be happening...this just _cannot _be happening..."

He rubbed his forehead so hard he almost wondered if he was ripping his skin off, but at least it was stopping him from screaming in frustrated agony at the situation he found himself in. It was bad enough that he had spent so long staring into those all-too familiar eyes while knowing that they weren't the eyes that he had...that he had fallen in love with, but at the same time, he had also found out that this Ianto – Yannis, he reminded himself – also, somehow, had the same longevity issues that had plagued him for so long.

And then, just to put the snow on the mountains, he was in a relationship with...him. Indeed, Saket was virtually him, except that, this time, he was the one who was mortal, the one who would one day leave him.

How had this happened? Here he was, landed on a planet that, as far as he had known, was completely uninhabited, but which actually turned out to have a rather substantial population, but also had a man here who Jack knew well and who would never leave him alone. Even if they hadn't been romantically involved or even friends, there would at least be someone who might be there to see the end of the universe with him.

Unfortunately, as wonderful as the thought of having someone out there with him for eternity was, Jack knew that he wouldn't be able to be around him without it being hugely destructive for the pair of them, purely because he would be unable to look at Yannis without seeing Ianto – _his _Ianto – and comparing whatever their relationship was to what he had with his lover, which would only make the other man resent him because he would be living in the shadow of a dead man for the rest of his immortal life.

"How can the universe be so beautiful and yet so cruel at the same time?" he murmured as he swung himself off the bed and out of the house without even realising he was doing it. He knew, as he walked across the fields without paying much attention to his surroundings, that he was whining a bit, but at the moment, he didn't much care. Under the circumstances, he felt that he was rather entitled to whine; after all, he'd done a pretty good job at being stoic for a _very_ long time beforehand!

"Life's a bitch and then you don't die."

Jack stopped in his tracks. _Oh, you have _got _to be kidding me! _Slowly, he turned around and looked into the pair of stormy blue eyes that had invaded his mind all evening, despite his weariness.

"Ian...Yannis," he said quickly, forcing himself to remember who the man actually was. "I mean...Lord Yannis," he stammered, this time forcing himself to remember the appropriate etiquette for addressing rulers.

But it was plain that Yannis wasn't fooled by his attempted nonchalance. "Drop the act," he said sternly. "Putting on that forced formality doesn't do you any favours, especially considering I don't appreciate being considered stupid."

"Why would I think you're..." but Jack trailed off when he looked up and saw what was behind them. "Oh, my God," he whispered, absently brushing past the other man to get a closer look. "Is that...?"

"The Library of Alexandria – or at least, a reconstruction of it." Yannis' voice was pleasant and polite. "And behind it is actually a reconstruction of the lighthouse."

To anyone else, Yannis' friendly tone would have been a sign that they had successfully avoided any more awkward questions. However, after spending so long around Ianto, Jack knew better than to think any such thing; his lover had had a knack of lulling him into a false sense of security by letting him change the subject, but then ambushing him with the original issue at a time when he wasn't expecting it. Nevertheless, he decided to walk with the other man and see if he could find out anything else about the planet.

"You really do seem to love ancient history," he said as they walked past reconstructions of several temples of Greek, Roman and, if he remembered his statues correctly, Indian origin. "But there don't seem to be any people, apart from you and Saket, living up here."

"You're right," said Yannis. "Saket and I are the only ones _living _up here." He sat down on the floor and stared up at the sky. "For a long time, I thought that all these places would make the hilltop seem more lively, even if the only people who live in them are the souls of the dead." Slowly, he turned to look at Jack. "You're like me, Jack. I know you are. I know that you know what these places are really for."

"I know," said Jack quietly.

"Then, if you don't mind me asking, why didn't you do the same?"

Jack blinked, shocked. "Why would I? If I was ruling over an entire civilisation – heck, even if I lived in the largest and most remote _area _on a planet, then there is no _way_ I would want to turn it into a graveyard!"

"It's not like that! It's like," Yannis stopped, thought for a moment, and sighed. "When I wake up or walk around and I see all these places...it's like they're back with me again. All the friends, family and lovers I've lost in the past; seeing these places and knowing that there's a part of them there, even if it's just their cremated remains in jars, or their bodies buried several feet underground, is like their way of telling me that they'll always be with me, no matter what happens."

He picked a blade of grass and twirled it around, dispersing several tiny baby _cirdanas_, their faint glow sending small flickers over his fingertips. "Can't you understand that? Can you understand loving someone so much that you'll do anything to make sure there's at least a way, _any _way, that you can look around or out of your window and still know that they're there, even if you can't see them?"

Jack's chest tightened sharply and he gripped at the grass behind him, ripping several blades out in the process. He was remembering that evening a long time ago when his Ianto had said some very similar words to him before watching as Jack and the rest of the team had pumped bullets into his girlfriend. Suddenly, the words Ianto had almost sobbed to him echoed around in his head like a prayer for mercy.

"_Can't you understand that, Jack? Haven't you ever loved someone that much?"_

"Yes," he murmured. "I can understand that." For a moment, before he looked at his companion without the misty haze brought on by those memories, he thought that he was actually talking to his lover. Then, as he blinked, the fog cleared and he realised where he was and who he was actually talking to. Fortunately, he also realised that he did understand Yannis' thought process as well as he had understood Ianto's.

"I do understand your feelings," he reiterated. "Like you said, I have the same...long life as you and I know how it feels to watch people you love die. And I know how it feels to bury them. But there's a difference between you and me, Yannis." He waved his hand around. "You show that you remember them by reconstructing these amazing places, so that, as you said, you can look out of your window and see them as clear as the light of day. But for me, it's different. I don't need all that. Just keeping the memories of what we shared safe in my heart is enough – although, I will admit to carrying some small tokens around with me." Cautiously, he touched the inside pocket of his coat where he still carried Ianto's old stopwatch. "For me, it really is the smaller things that make all the difference."

Yannis smiled. "I suppose that's a cultural difference, really," he said. "Here on Tyrennis, people have cherished the thought of beauty and grandeur for a very long time. Do you know Cyrus' story?"

Jack paused to quickly drag the memory of earlier in the day back to the forefront of his mind. "Ali – Alexis told me part of it earlier today," he said. "But she said that she didn't know the whole story; that you would actually know it better than she did."

"What did she tell you?"

"That Cyrus was seeing two people, Helgira and Bracken, at the same time, and when Bracken suddenly died, he went mad with grief and started isolating himself in the jungles where the two of them would go together. She said that there was something in the story that was a testament of Cyrus' love for one of them, but she didn't say which one."

"Ah!" Yannis pulled Jack to his feet and half-dragged him across the grass, a broad grin spreading over his face. "Now, you're about to see the very reason I get so thrilled by ancient history."

"You mean besides using positions off Greek vases or from the Kamasutra during sex?" Jack joked, but then he realised where he was and trailed off. "Wow."

Yannis had led him out of the open air and into the middle of a wild and vibrant jungle. Huge trees towered above them, their bright green leaves trailing halfway down the trunks and colourful flowers and petals blew around them in the light breeze. As he looked through the long leaves, Jack could see a clearing with waterfalls and flowers in more colours than he had ever seen trailing into pools below them. Stepping through, he gazed around the natural paradise, smiling as the _cirdanas _flew around the pool. But his attention was more drawn towards the beautiful structure lying on a small island in the middle. Plants brimmed from the balconies of white marble which still looked brand new and shimmered in the faint light from those _cirdanas_ now that the sun had set, leaving only the stars in the sky.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"The hanging gardens of Babylon," he whispered and then turned to Yannis. "Right?"

"Yes," said Yannis. He gently wound his fingers around one of the protruding leaves before letting them go slowly. "You know that Bracken was an archaeologist?" Jack nodded. "He had a special place in his heart for Babylonian history, and always harboured a dream that one day he would be able to go and see them in all their glory. But then the expedition here came along and he got swept up in it. He never told anyone about his Babylonian dream, though, yet somehow, Cyrus knew." He smiled sadly and gently picked a piece of lint out of one of the pots. "Why else would he have built this place for his lover's tomb – the place where he would rest for the rest of eternity?"

Jack blinked. "Bracken is buried here?"

"His remains are here," corrected Yannis. "Look." He took Jack's hand again and guided him around the gardens, pointing out the plants. "Each of the plants growing here, both inside the gardens and outside, was one of Bracken's favourites...and each one has a small urn with some of his ashes buried underneath it."

Jack was briefly lost for words. "So...he lived his dream in the end," he whispered. "Cyrus helped him to live his dream, even if it was in death."

"Yeah," said Yannis, coming over to join him. "And I've tried to do what Cyrus did for Bracken – to help my friends, family and partners to live their dreams...to show them in death what I was too scared to say to them when they were alive."

Jack nodded. "I understand." And he did. He knew what it was like to love someone but to know that what they had would never be forever. He had done the same thing himself; known that he was falling, but been too frightened to get too attached because he knew how much it would hurt when they left him.

But over time, he had realised that he was making a mistake. There were so many lovers who had never known how he felt about them while they were alive, and each time, he had regretted not telling them. After that, he had made every effort to make sure anyone he came close to knew how much they meant to him – and he hoped that they knew that too.

He jumped suddenly, as he realised that Yannis had gently taken his hand and was stroking his fingers as he looked at him intently, even as his eyes fluttered slightly.

"Jack," he whispered. "I..."

"Don't." Jack pulled back quickly and withdrew his hand. "I know that, in some ways, we would be perfect together, but...it wouldn't be right or fair." He sighed. "I would be lying if I said I hadn't been thinking about you all night, but we can't. I don't want you to have to suffer with someone who'll see his dead lover every time he looks at you. You deserve so much more than that – you deserve to be loved for who you are."

He stared down at one of the pools and breathed in the scent of the honeysuckle bush next to them. "And it wouldn't be fair on Saket, either."

Yannis closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You're right," he said, "it really wouldn't be fair. And...and you deserve better than to be with someone forever who is going to look at you and –"

"And see Saket." Jack nodded, understanding all too well what Yannis wasn't saying. "And...have you told him how you feel, yet?"

"I..." Yannis worked his mouth several times, tried to speak and then sighed. "No, I..." and he dropped his head with a groan. "I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" Jack suspected he knew, but he also knew that Yannis needed to admit it to himself. Admitting to having a problem was the first step to resolving it. However, the shock of the answer he actually received nearly blew his brain out of his head.

"It's not just about me being afraid of getting too attached to him. I know that it's too late for that. I'm there and there's no way I can change that, no matter how much the thought of losing him frightens me, even though I know that one day it is going to happen." He looked up at Jack. "I'm more scared that Saket doesn't feel the same way about me."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," Yannis sank down on the grass, "he's been really good to me and – well, yes, the sex is great and he really does know how to take me on a good date!" He laughed briefly before subsiding. "But he can be so...so closed off sometimes. Every time I try to talk about us and our future, he just changes the subject or distracts me with...something."

"Sex?"

"Usually, yes. But at the same time, he can be so caring – he remembers my birthday, our anniversary dates and he treats Alexis as if she's his own, even though she can be so cool towards him." He ran his hands through his hair. "I mean, in my heart, I know that I mean something to him, but at the same time, I really want him to just say so. I want him to tell me how he really feels – to actually _say_ the words to me – before it's too late. Is that so wrong, Jack?"

"No," Jack said instantly. "No, it isn't wrong." He sat down beside Yannis. "But maybe...maybe you need to make the same move."

"What?"

"Well," Jack paused, choosing his words carefully. "Okay, you said earlier that you were scared of getting too attached, because you knew how much it would hurt when he...passed away. And you also said that that's not the overwhelming issue." He reached over and clasped Yannis' hand in his. "But, Yannis, it _is _an overwhelming issue. It's part of the reason you're attracted to me – as much as you might try to deny it, I know it's the truth, because it's also part of the reason I'm attracted to you."

"Jack –"

"And it's also what's stopping you from being completely honest, not only with Saket, but also, and more importantly, with yourself." Jack picked up a flower that had fallen off one of the trees and a blue _cirdana _flew out of the centre and onto his shoulder where it settled down and fell asleep. "I told you I made that mistake before and I regret each and every time I did – and I will each day for the rest of my life, and that's a very long time." Gently, he rubbed Yannis' shoulder. "Don't be afraid of loving someone and letting them know you love them. Regardless of whether you do or not, it is still going to hurt when they pass on. In fact, it usually hurts more if you wait too long, because you then have to live with all these regrets and wonder what might have happened if you had just been honest."

Slowly, he stood up and placed a gentle kiss on Yannis' forehead. "Don't let Saket be another one of those. Break that long line, Yannis. You know that it's been going on for far too long." He patted the other man's shoulder again and stood up, making his way back out of the clearing.

"Thanks for the advice." Yannis' tone was quiet and dry, but even with his back turned, Jack knew that he was genuinely mulling over his words. He smiled slightly to himself and walked back through the jungle and back into the open air. Taking a deep breath, he started to walk back to the Acropolis – and his guest house – when he suddenly saw someone sitting on a wall and staring at the sky.

"Saket?" he ventured, smiling weakly as the other man jumped in shock. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Saket shrugged. "Couldn't sleep, either?" he asked and then laughed weakly as well. "It seems like a night for it," he added, shuffling along the wall so that Jack could sit down. "I heard you and Yannis talking, Jack and I want you to know that...that he's wrong."

"Wrong about what?" asked Jack, taking his coat off and sitting down on it; he had a rather strong feeling that this might be a long conversation.

"That I don't care about him." Saket rubbed his face. "I do...I care about him more than...more than I knew for a long time. I'm just terrified of hurting him if I tell him."

"How are you possibly going to hurt him if you tell him?" asked Jack blankly.

"Because," Saket paused, thinking. "Jack, here's the thing. One day, Yannis is going to lose me. Whether he likes it or not, I am going to die. Nothing is going to change that, no matter how much we want it to. If I try pushing him away, maybe it won't hurt as much when...when I do eventually die."

"Do you really think that?" asked Jack softly. "Because I may not have known you for very long, but I know you well enough to know that you're cleverer than that. The longer you wait to tell him how you feel, the more you're hurting him, because you're making him think that you don't care."

"But if –"

"By spending all these years making him think you don't care about him, you're not just hurting him by making him think his fears are entirely valid, but you're also hurting yourself far more than you would if you waited until the moment that you die in his arms to tell him how you really feel."

Saket looked at him. "You sound like you speak from experience."

"I do," said Jack. "The first time...my partner –"

"Ianto?"

"Yeah – the first time he told me he loved me was in the moments that he was dying in my arms after being poisoned by aliens." Jack bit back the pain at the memory. "Saying it broke his heart, and I knew that it was because he only realised when it was too late that he shouldn't have waited so long to tell me. And it broke my heart, because I hated the thought that he even had those regrets."

He turned round and looked at his doppelgänger. "Saket, I'm going to say the same thing that I just said to Yannis. Don't let yourself have those regrets. Make sure he knows exactly how you feel about him, because your time together may be short. But his time in this world is not going to be short, and he's going to have so many memories of his life, including memories of his time with you. So, you need to give him as many wonderful memories of you as you possibly can – and that includes taking every opportunity to –"

"To tell him how much I love him," said Saket with a smile. "I know – I know you're right, Jack. It's just...it's hard, you know? I have tried before to tell him that, but each time, I get scared, because I feel as if I'm driving a stake into his heart."

"You're driving a sharper stake through his heart by not telling him," said Jack. "Just promise me that you'll tell him by the end of tonight – just to put his mind at rest."

Saket nodded. "Okay."

"Thanks." Jack patted his shoulder and stood up, dusting his hands down. "Oh, by the way – where are Liath's grave and Alexis' house?"

"You can't miss either of them," said Saket with a small laugh. "Liath's grave is the marble statue of Athena with the owl and it's stood right outside the Acropolis."

"Right."

"And Alexis' house is halfway down the path and it's the only one that's painted red," continued Saket with a chuckle. "Like I said – you can't miss it."

"Thanks," said Jack and left Saket alone. He paused briefly along the walk back to pick a small bunch of blue flowers and ferns, which he then tied together with several knotted blades of grass. Then, taking a deep breath, he walked up to the statue of Athena and, barely even pausing to look at it, he knelt down at the base and gently traced the letters engraved on there, blinking back tears that had found their way into his eyes for the first time.

"I'm so sorry, Grey," he whispered as he laid the flowers down. "I know this can't make up for what happened, but...I just want you to know, if there's any way possible, that I love you. No matter what happens."

Then, he removed a piece of paper and a pen from his pocket and, leaning against the wall surrounding the royal complex, he started writing. For the first time, he knew exactly what he wanted to say and he didn't even try to stop the tears as they rolled down his cheeks, even as the drops stained the paper and smudged the ink as he wrote. When he had finished, he walked back down the path and, upon seeing the painted red house – as Saket had told him, it was indeed the only one that was painted red – he kissed the letter and then gently wedged it into one of the slits in the door, letting his fingers caress the edges of the pages.

Despite what he had written, Jack knew that there was also so much else he had to say. But now that he was actually standing there, there were only two words that he could say.

"Good luck."

With a final small sigh, he turned away from the house and walked back down the path to where he had arrived. Then he gently picked the small blue _cirdana _from his shoulder and blew on it gently, smiling to himself as a small trail of blue light shimmered in front of him, lighting up the path as he turned his back on Tyrennis and departed for whatever the universe had in store for him next.


End file.
